Journal Project

For my Journey in Literature class, I had to carry around a journal in which I had to write on 5 times a week till I reached 40 entries. I  will admit that when I was assigned this task, I was a bit skeptical. I thought it was going to be a drag since I hate being forced to do stuff, especially writing or reading, I like to do it on my own account. I began the project and got really involve with it. Having a journal was having an outlet to speak up, rant, pour your emotions on a piece of paper, vent or just talk about anything and everything. Also, not having any writing limitations or have to focus on the lettering being perfect was very ideal for this project. Less distraction, more writing.  I would write in my journal almost everyday and write about what was on my mind or what was bothering me at the time. I was able to focus on communicating my emotions and try to comprehend myself better as a person through the daily entries. I like having a journal because I can look back and see the progress and emotional development Ive made in a certain period of time. The life compasses were also great since it helped me figure out how my emotions or the state that I was in would influence the pace and content of what I was writing. I noticed that if my physical state was low, I would write slower whereas if my emotional or mental state was low, I would write more since I would want to talk about what made me get to such a low point or such a low emotional state. I did more than 10 life compasses, which was the requirement , and they helped me understand that I need to start taking care of myself more. I realized that my physical state being so poor this semester, has to do with my lack of self care. I also enjoyed the multi genre projects since I was able to express myself artistically and create something new. Collages are definitely an activity that maybe will turn into a hobby someday. The"first thought best thought" writing skill was one I applied with every entry. I would go into automatic mode when I would start writing and let the pen carry me. I would tune out everything that surrounded me and focused on getting my words on the paper. Having a journal was a great experience and I will definitely try to maintain the act of writing. Looking back, I don't know how I would have survived this semester without my journal. We all need healthy coping mechanisms to help us in times of struggle and a journal can be just that. I am very grateful for being assigned this project and hope that I was not the only one in the group that benefited from it. The freedom in writing is something we take in vain sometimes so let us not forget the limitless flow of the black ink on the blank page of endless projections.

Crossroads

On this spring semester, I was assigned to a group called Crossroads. The group consisted of Francellys Maysonet, Janeliz Roman,Jose Oyola, Ashley Diaz and myself. We each had our own strenghts that we could bring to the table. Ashley would helps us get out of rut and ask questions to the teacher. Both Janeliz and Francellys were our researchers, bringing us new information that could benefit the group exercise. Jose was always responsible and would share some bright ideas and insights in the group discussion. While I was reading the reflection of my other team members, they would refer to me as the group leader which I did not identify with at all. I don't really consider myself a leader and I prefer being a follower, I don't know maybe it has something to do with my anxiety or something. Working on group projects can be kind of a drag because you never know what  to expect of every team member, whether they will contribute or not. I can happily say that every member of my group would contribute in some way to every group activity. In total, we did four group activities. I will admit, my group and I would sometimes get frustrated over the lack of time we would have in order to get everything organized. Group projects can be a bit nerve wracking since most of time, you are going to work with new people and socializing can be really draining...for me at least. Its kind of funny how socializing takes a big toll on me and my department is Communications. I literally need to be on hand, working with people for the rest of my career. Every future project of mine will be a team effort. Team effort is key and I was fortunate enough to work alongside other people who think the same way Being the note taker was very interesting for me because I would write down all the ideas that were  thrown out during our brainstorming sessions. We would go at our own pace to answer the discussion questions that were assigned to us.Each member would offer or bring something to the table. It was a great experience and I am very grateful that have had responsible and efficient people in my group which usually never happens to me in other classes. Shout out to Francellys, Janeliz, Jose and Ashley for believing in team work and in Crossroads.

Onward...

I decided to take a walk around my neighborhood. I live in an apartment building but the entire condominium consists of two large buildings (11 floors each) , a park, a tennis court, a basketball court, a pool, what used to be a supermarket and it's now an abandoned space, and the entire parking lot which surrounds the two buildings. I stepped out of my buildings lobby , with my "new eyes" and went onward. I was walking on the sidewalk. The bushes on the side of the building were locate on my left side. The bushes were green with red flowers, but I noticed for the first time that there were also white flowers. The flowers contrasted with the grey building. The building had a crack on the wall, running up all the way up to the second floor. It was about 5:00 pm and golden hour was upon me. The suns golden rays illuminated my path and everything around me, changing from gold to a rose golden peach. I continued walking and crossed the street of the parking lot to get to the abandoned property that used to be a supermarket I could see the fence that surrounds the complex, a fence that served as a protective barrier during the first weeks after hurricane Maria. Cars surrounded me, I notice the yellow paint of the parking lines was chipping, which only reminded me of the buildings permanence There was a dumpster in the distance, it was green and rusty. I kept moving and saw bees buzzing about a patch of flowers. I looked up towards my building and felt like a little kid again. It towered over me like some type of giant. I saw two kids hiding behind a car while smoking some reefer. They looked at me as if saying "you gonna snitch?" and I just tilted my head and walked. I am currently walking around the second building and I am approaching the community garden. Its basically a greenhouse with a planting area outside of it that its surrounded by a chain link fence. There were small pots of plants with names written on them. I moved towards the basketball court. The tennis court was lit by two post lamps. I saw the park and the swings were moving slowly as if someone had just finished playing with them but there was no one around. I  was completely alone, Not one person to observe.  I kept moving. I though I knew this place that I call home but I noticed new things in my expedition even though I have lived in this building since I was about 4 or 5 years old. The familiar became unfamiliar. I kept moving and saw a dog walking around the fence. It looked lost and scared. I wanted to cry. There was nothing I could do.I decided to head back to my buildings lobby and call it a day. As I walked on the sidewalk, surrounded by cars, I couldn't help but wonder what else is there to see?

On Looking

How do you pay attention? Observing or analyzing something is subjective since nobody sees what you see. We pay attention to what our subconscious is attracted to. Based on our profession or passion, our criticaly eye turns general observation into selective attention. So how does a person pay attention? Even Horowitz said that we miss things when we are paying attention. Through concentration we are able to comprehend and decipher what surrouns us , but like Horowitz said, even through concentration we tend to miss things. Through concentration, our attention becomes selective and we focus on whatever we choose, it depends on the observer, and yet we are still not able to capture everything. Horowitz says: "we miss the world, making itself available to be observed, and we miss the possiblity of being surprised by what is hidden in plain sight in front of us." Basically, there is more to the human eye than you know. We need to observe the ordinary, the familiar, the recgonizable and try to find something that has been hidden from yourself by yourself. We need to become aware of whats in front of us. Analyze the obvious, and the familiar becomes the unfamiliar. Its okay to miss out on stuff. I mean, history is the documentation of change over time and even then not ev erythiong is documented. We also miss out because our minds are not physically able to rememeber and hold everything. We need to forget in order to remember. Memomery is overwhelming and sometimes we see or observe things in our daily routine that we can forget particularities that we might have catched on to but can't remember. Time ceases to exist when we act on the familiar, we are in a type of trance that makes our brains shift into automatic mode and only repeat the cycle. We stop observing and we stop paying attention  but Horowitz challenges that routine. We tend to stop focusing on the familiar since we know it and  have observed it so many times, we think that there is nothing more, nothing left to study. Horowitz says: "the capacity to attend is ours; we just forget how to turn it on."

Other factors can affect how you observe or pay attention like your physical state (wether you are tired or energized) and emotional state (sad, angry, frustrated or happy) bu the most influential factgor is you ercption of reality based on what you are passionate about. Horowtiz says:" the tendecy to look at every context from the point of view of ones profession." Due to our passion or whatever field we decide to dedicate the rest of our lives to; what we observe is influencd by this because it make our awareness and observation, selective. Fo example, my dedication towards film, makes me see through a camaras panorama. Basically, whenever I walk around, I catch myself thinking "oh this place would make a great still or setting for a scene". My passion influences my perception of reality and the ordinary.

The Fabric of Me

                                                          The Fabric of Me

The one artifact that has been a constant element or factor in my life is my clothing/style. This relates to my personal identity development because it keeps evolving and changing. When I started defining my sense of style, my own sense of self starting coming together too. By me being able to express my taste and personality through clothing, I was able to build up my confidence and start discovering the things that I like and wished to associate myself with. Throughout elementary and high school, I used to dress really simple; jeans, sneakers and a plain tshirt, that's it but through time I have been able to really get to know the real me and find out my interests. I started dressing more colorfully, focusing on color palettes and patterns but I think that when I realized what my passion was and what I wanted to dedicate myself to the rest of my life (film/movies) is when my style took a major turn. I stopped making an effort or trying to look a certain way and just let it flow. My style, like my identity,is always changing. When my style and clothing started developing, my identity started to take form. I was becoming more comfortable in my own skin and I became more outgoing, I was able to express myself better too. Much like Tabitha Rowery in "Hair Chronicles", instead of hair, my clothing/style charts the history of my identity. I was able to relate to Tabitha in this aspect since my sense of style has been the constant factor in my inner and outer journey. It has marked different phases in my life, good and bad.

My clothing/style has always determined what mood I am feeling or what I am going through. Usually if I am in a good mood, I noticed that I go for brighter colors whereas when I feel bad, I dress darker. My style is a reminder of how far I  have come. I always compare the way I used to dress when I was younger to now and honestly, the change is for the better. I am more confident and I am more aware of who I am and I reflect that through my clothing; a sense of security. I could relate to Tabitha when she started talking about how when she let her hair natural, she started liking herself more and I think that happened to me. When I stopped trying to look like someone else or trying to impress others through my style, its when I finally got hold of myself and started being me. University has helped me expand my closet since there is inspiration everywhere. I think that when I finally got to university , a major turning point in my sense of style happened. With this insight, I can concur that usually when life changing events happen, that constant artifact in your life evolves along with you, My clothing is the fabric of me.

Tourist for a Day!

As I got ready for my undercover espionage, I wondered if I would be able to pull it off. I dressed in typical tourist attire with my low cut converse, white bahama shirt, denim shorts and a beige baseball cap. I switched my brain from Spanish speaking mode to English. I was ready. I decided to go to Old San Juan and explore. I walked through the streets and would ask strangers for directions to the nearest restaurants. Some were very helpful and actually took their time to help me but others would help me but with a certain tone in their voice, as if I was bothering them. Then I went to Wendys (the one in Plaza de Armas) to order some food. As I ordered, I could see some people staring at me. I assumed they were from here since I could overhear them talking in spanish. They thought I was a foriegner. I also noticed that I wasn't the only tourist there. There were some families in the establishment, all of them American. I could see people looking at them with their brows furrowed. It was as if they wanted them to leave as soon as possible. I could relate to them since I have been in that position as well. I can conclude from this experience that Puerto Ricans are not too keen on having "gringos" on our soil. We are aware of our colonial status and every time we see a tourist, we are reminded of it. Every time I would talk (as a tourist) with a "native", I could sense that I was the last person they wanted to talk to. They didn't want to help me and I understood why. I wanted to scream out that I was one of them, to not be fooled by my appearance and accent. I felt different and I did not like it. After all that the population of Puerto Rico has been through last year, seeing tourists vacationing here, having a good time, focusing on their own pleasures and not caring and ignoring all the struggles and hardships that we went through, all the hard work that we did to go back to "normal", makes our blood boil. Tourists are aware of the disadvantages the island has gone through and yet they don't do anything to help us or appreciate the labor and perseverance of the people here. In conclusion, this experience taught me how isolated a tourist can feel in a foreign land and although I do know the reasons why I was treated the way I was, not every tourist is aware which can make them feel strange and confused. I think that if tourists were more aware about their surroundings and the peoples status in the country they are visiting, they could be treated differently and maybe actually take action and try to make a difference. I guess you could say that for a tourist, ignorance is bliss.

I chose this collage by Grete Stern because I felt like I was alone and isolated in my own home while doing this activity